I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
