dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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