he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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