I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
