i jhust puked up my retainher.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
