His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
