Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
nutella sex= disaster
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
