but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
