The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
