dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You can't motorboat a personality
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
