I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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