How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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