Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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