Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
pray to the hookup gods
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
