margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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