He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
