do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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