Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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