she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sober January is a disaster.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
