i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
