he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
