Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize