I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
