Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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