we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
