I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
