The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
