she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
