I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
