You made me cry and you don't even care
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
