um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize