hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize