I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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