There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
