I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
