The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
