His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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