Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
