All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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