I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
