He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
