Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
