if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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