I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
