Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
