HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
