it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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