I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
