So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
