No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
be right there i have to get my cape
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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