The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize