I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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