It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
