you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
