I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
