The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
