whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
