omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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