You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
