can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
