im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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