You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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