the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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