from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
