So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Enjoy the penises
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