:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
