The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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