I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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