you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
