Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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