Don't you send me to vm
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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