What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
