she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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