Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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