u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
