her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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