can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
