So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
