that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
