I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
